To complain or not to complain
Recently I heard that Eckhart Tolle during a talk extolled the virtues of giving up complaining. Permanently. Unfortunately, I missed the talk, but I'm not going to complain about that.
“When you complain you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it. All else is madness
”
Some people complain a lot, and there is nothing wrong with complaining - provided happiness isn't important to you! It can be a way of bonding or connecting with people, letting off a bit of steam or frustration, or it can just be a habit that we picked up a long time ago.
Maybe you know someone who complains an awful lot? What is it like to be around this person? How happy and fulfilled is this person? Do you get the impression that even if this person were in paradise they would find something to complain about?
In my opinion, we as a culture tend to spend a lot of time complaining and the other very unhelpful c word comparing - which generally leads to complaining.
Is it the weather, your partner, your kids, the house, the car, your boss, your colleagues, your work, the traffic, the trains/tube, the rude people around you, your life, your parents/other family, your friends, the price of this or that, the weeds in the garden, the computer, the housework, yourself, your body, your habits, the food, money, too much of this, not enough of that, politicians, people who complain a lot, TV programs... the list goes on... Isn't it extraordinary - is there anything that meets our exacting standards?!
What would happen if you gave up complaining for 24 hours? How would you feel?
Image thanks to Christian Allard and Unsplash
There are many ways you can try this I'm sure, but I would suggest something along these lines - but go with what feels right for you. Set an intention at the beginning of the day, set an hourly reminder on your phone (if you're anything like me and a bit forgetful) and then every time you are tempted to complain (or when you catch yourself complaining!), pause, find a breath or two or three and smile at the urge. And you probably will experience it as an urge. See if you can feel that urge in the body and see if you can breathe into it and let it go with a few breaths and perhaps a hand on where you experience the strongest sensations, perhaps the chest or the throat or the head.
Perhaps you can you find a different way of looking? A wider perspective? Being grateful that this person/situation/experience isn't worse than this is acceptable! Perhaps imagining for a moment just how much worse it could be? Perhaps realising that for a lot of people it really is that much worse. Perhaps trying to find an advantage of the situation (eg fantastic! this gives me a great opportunity to give up complaining!😉 ) Perhaps looking at all the other things that are going at this moment that are fine, and that you could choose to focus on them instead? Decide what you will do instead of complaining - leave or change it or accept it. Empower yourself.
At the end of the day review what has happened (notice any complaining about yourself for complaining - ha ha!). Be curious about where you get drawn most often into complaining, is it in certain situations, or with certain people, or with yourself? Review how it felt when you didn't complain - what was it like? how did it feel? And decide if you want to do another day!
“
“Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.””
And I would add rejoice in the way you are, even if you do complain a bit!
Wishing you a very happy (and non-complaining) weekend,
Amrit Jiwan xx
(Originally sent Oct 13th 2017)